haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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