the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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