Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
