Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
