god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
