Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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