And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
