So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize