my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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