Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
