totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
