I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
