Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
