If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
