Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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