end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Two words: blizzard sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize