he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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