I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
