Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
