the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
