new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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