I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
