i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
