Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
