i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
