Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Two words: blizzard sex
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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