bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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