I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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