I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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