and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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