between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
