So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
