these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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