he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
