She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
