Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
