I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
