If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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