you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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