I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
