he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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