haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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