I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
