never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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