So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
