Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
