i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
