he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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