i already hear my dad disowning me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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