just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize