Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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