So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
