just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
