We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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