I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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