I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
