I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
