Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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