apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
