u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
