she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
