So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
