Fine. I'll sleep in my office
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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