god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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