Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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