Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
