According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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