hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
