Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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