I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
