you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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